I am up later than usual. I seem to have a touch of bronchitis. I wasn't breathing well and blacked out a little earlier apparently from a slight lack of oxygen. I was forced to endure an albuterol breathing treatment. Albuterol always amps me up and thus, has tonight, robbed me of sleep. I was lying in bed trying to decide whether or not to fight through it and hope for sleep to come or just get up. I began to pray in my mind...Just talking to God. Nothing earth shattering and suddenly I felt inspired to write. My attempt to sleep was futile.
I have noticed a particular evolution in my prayers. I haven't always done this. In the past few months at times when I have come to the end of what I know to pray or in times of intense prayerful desperation I make a particular prayerful exclamation. It is simply this: God! God! God!
Not always 3 times. Sometimes more; sometimes less. I'm not sure what it means. Of course, I know what "God" means. But, I'm not sure what it means when I call out in prayer "God!" Possibly, it is a declaration of my trust in Him. My trust in Jehovah God is the only thing that keeps me sane at times. I am very high strung. I (over)contemplate most scenarios. I play out (what I believe to be) every possible outcome of every possible situation or conversation. I am not a worrier. I am a thinker; a strategist. In the end, I know that there is no chance that my finite mind can predict every possible outcome of every possible situation. Thus, I have learned to trust God and this trust allows me the freedom of not knowing the future. Regardless of the situations that I face on any given day, I know that my trust lies in God. So, when I don't know how to pray; when I don't know what to pray; when I don't know what to pray about, maybe...When I cry out "God!" I am simply crying out my trust in Him. Proclaiming to Him and anyone who happens to be listening that in God alone...I trust.
Maybe, it is a cry of desperation. I think that I prayed a potentially dangerous prayer several years back and have continued to pray this particular prayer from time to time. The prayer that I refer to says something to this effect: "Lord, I ask you for a hunger; desire; thirst for you that is unquenchable. No matter what my relationship with you looks like, do not allow me to be satisfied." You may scoff at the idea that this prayer is dangerous. I dare you to pray this in sincerity and truth. It is the same as asking for a void to be poured into but never be filled. I am glad that I prayed that prayer. I hate complacency, status quo and average Christianity. I am an extremist and status quo infuriates me. You see, I am an intense and passionate person. Everything that I feel, I feel it to the very core of who and what I am. My desire and desperation for a closer relationship with Jesus compelled me to pray that prayer and God has generously answered this prayer in the affirmative. My relationship with Jesus is close and intimate. Sometimes it is very difficult to objectively gauge the true depth of this relationship because I am never satisfied. I have grown and matured. My theology is in a constant state of flux because I also asked Holy Spirit to give me an understanding of Scripture that is independent of man's teaching and solely dependent upon the illumination of the Spirit. In all of this, my prayers become a travailing and agonizing cry of desperation at times. My words fail me. My ideas fail me. My understanding fails me. My desperation cuts to such depths of me that I can only cry out in desperation: GOD! GOD!
Possibly, I cry out His name in worship. I am a trinitarian. This simply means that I believe in one God manifest in 3 distinct persons. Perfect unity. Only one God. Three persons. Complex? Yes. But, if God could be completely understood and described He wouldn't be much of a supreme God would He? Some people use the egg to describe the triune godhead: 1 yolk, 1 white, 1 shell = 1 egg...3 parts/1egg. Some use a triangle to describe: 3 sides = 1 triangle. As Francis Chan said, these may help our finite minds to better understand our God but, the truth is that God is really not like any of these analogies. All of that to say this...Maybe, just maybe, I cry out the name of God in worship to God my Father, God the Spirit who dwells within me, and God the Son who is my Savior. "God! God!" There is no higher existence. There is no other god. "God! God!" Worship. You and You alone. There is none like you. GOD!! GOD!! I need You! I want You! GOD! GOD! More than my next breath; more than my next heartbeat...I want and need you. I WORSHIP YOU.
I think it is all three of these. I cry out His name because He is my all in all. When my mind fails me I know I can cry out to God and He understands my cries. He knows the cry of my heart. He understands my language of tears plus cries. When I don't understand why I cry out "God!"; He always knows.
In God I Trust,
The Incoherent Rambling Messy Pastor
I have noticed a particular evolution in my prayers. I haven't always done this. In the past few months at times when I have come to the end of what I know to pray or in times of intense prayerful desperation I make a particular prayerful exclamation. It is simply this: God! God! God!
Not always 3 times. Sometimes more; sometimes less. I'm not sure what it means. Of course, I know what "God" means. But, I'm not sure what it means when I call out in prayer "God!" Possibly, it is a declaration of my trust in Him. My trust in Jehovah God is the only thing that keeps me sane at times. I am very high strung. I (over)contemplate most scenarios. I play out (what I believe to be) every possible outcome of every possible situation or conversation. I am not a worrier. I am a thinker; a strategist. In the end, I know that there is no chance that my finite mind can predict every possible outcome of every possible situation. Thus, I have learned to trust God and this trust allows me the freedom of not knowing the future. Regardless of the situations that I face on any given day, I know that my trust lies in God. So, when I don't know how to pray; when I don't know what to pray; when I don't know what to pray about, maybe...When I cry out "God!" I am simply crying out my trust in Him. Proclaiming to Him and anyone who happens to be listening that in God alone...I trust.
Maybe, it is a cry of desperation. I think that I prayed a potentially dangerous prayer several years back and have continued to pray this particular prayer from time to time. The prayer that I refer to says something to this effect: "Lord, I ask you for a hunger; desire; thirst for you that is unquenchable. No matter what my relationship with you looks like, do not allow me to be satisfied." You may scoff at the idea that this prayer is dangerous. I dare you to pray this in sincerity and truth. It is the same as asking for a void to be poured into but never be filled. I am glad that I prayed that prayer. I hate complacency, status quo and average Christianity. I am an extremist and status quo infuriates me. You see, I am an intense and passionate person. Everything that I feel, I feel it to the very core of who and what I am. My desire and desperation for a closer relationship with Jesus compelled me to pray that prayer and God has generously answered this prayer in the affirmative. My relationship with Jesus is close and intimate. Sometimes it is very difficult to objectively gauge the true depth of this relationship because I am never satisfied. I have grown and matured. My theology is in a constant state of flux because I also asked Holy Spirit to give me an understanding of Scripture that is independent of man's teaching and solely dependent upon the illumination of the Spirit. In all of this, my prayers become a travailing and agonizing cry of desperation at times. My words fail me. My ideas fail me. My understanding fails me. My desperation cuts to such depths of me that I can only cry out in desperation: GOD! GOD!
Possibly, I cry out His name in worship. I am a trinitarian. This simply means that I believe in one God manifest in 3 distinct persons. Perfect unity. Only one God. Three persons. Complex? Yes. But, if God could be completely understood and described He wouldn't be much of a supreme God would He? Some people use the egg to describe the triune godhead: 1 yolk, 1 white, 1 shell = 1 egg...3 parts/1egg. Some use a triangle to describe: 3 sides = 1 triangle. As Francis Chan said, these may help our finite minds to better understand our God but, the truth is that God is really not like any of these analogies. All of that to say this...Maybe, just maybe, I cry out the name of God in worship to God my Father, God the Spirit who dwells within me, and God the Son who is my Savior. "God! God!" There is no higher existence. There is no other god. "God! God!" Worship. You and You alone. There is none like you. GOD!! GOD!! I need You! I want You! GOD! GOD! More than my next breath; more than my next heartbeat...I want and need you. I WORSHIP YOU.
I think it is all three of these. I cry out His name because He is my all in all. When my mind fails me I know I can cry out to God and He understands my cries. He knows the cry of my heart. He understands my language of tears plus cries. When I don't understand why I cry out "God!"; He always knows.
In God I Trust,
The Incoherent Rambling Messy Pastor